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Safe Space

Safe Space

As a child, your survival depended on those around you - your caregivers - so you had to adapt to their behavior in order to survive. As an adult, your survival depends on YOU. Upholding boundaries helps you not only survive, but THRIVE. When your boundaries are clear, you don’t take in people and problems that don’t belong to you. You share your time and energy only with select people and causes. One way to develop boundaries is to create a, “Safe Space.” I’ll be your guide. Make sure that you are as comfortable as you can be and that you can relax your body completely. Feel the weight underneath you, knowing that it is more than strong enough to carry you and support you and that you can totally sink into it. Now, close your eyes and envision a place you love. This place can be real or imagined. Imagine what this place looks like. What if feels like to be inside of it. What smells are there? Whatever your favorite textures are, you are feeling them, and no need to try too hard, whatever comes in your first stream of consciousness, go with that. How do you feel in this place? What are the visuals that you’re seeing? What are the textures that you’re feeling? What are the sounds that you’re hearing? And imagine your favorite flavors and drinks. Whatever is most soothing and comforting to you. What do those taste like? Now pause and allow yourself to bask in the support that surrounds you, knowing that you don’t need to put any effort into being supported here, the same way you don’t put any conscious effort into taking an inhale of the breath that sustains your life. You are completely safe here. You can rest into the support and the experience of unconditional love for you. If, at any time, you need extra support, it shows up instantly for you in whatever form you need. When you sense a dark cloud around you, it could be people or circumstances that cause you stress, you hear a voice calling your name, saying, “I know you can feel that and it doesn’t belong to you. You are safe here!”     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Your Success

Your Success

Success, according to Merriam Webster, is the correct or desired result of an attempt. What are you attempting in your life? Successful people visualize the life that they want and they create goals and time lines to achieve it. Successful people keep their word. Successful people constantly educate themselves and improve their skills Successful people ask for what they want and they don’t take “no” personally. They keep going until they hear “yes!” Successful people know themselves and their strengths. Successful people follow their passion instead of doing what they think they “should” do. Successful people surround themselves with other successful people. Successful people take 100% responsibility for their lives. They steer clear of all excuse making and blaming. Successful people feel at home in their bodies. They trust themselves. Successful people also take care of their bodies. Successful people have faith in a higher power. Successful people express their love WITHOUT fear. Successful people think LARGE and they believe that anything is possible! Successful people CHOOSE to be successful.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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How to Be an A Student

How to Be an A Student

Hello my student of life! Today I’m going to teach you how to become an A student. Everyday I run 6 miles on this treadmill and I’ve learned that the hardest part is getting started. That’s the case with life; the hardest part of anything is making the decision and getting started. That’s why you just have to jump right in! A lot of people wait for motivation to come to them, but you actually have to act first and then the motivation comes as you continue to act. If you keep putting something off long enough, it begins to deplete & suck your energy. I run first thing in the morning. A, because it feels better to my body, but B because if I put it off all day it would drain me, weigh heavy on me, it would be one more thing I have to do that day so if you start right away, if you have the idea or the inspiration for something, all you have to do is start. Don’t think about the whole picture, I don’t think about the whole long run before I start, I just start. I began running on this treadmill instead of outside about a year ago because the property that I am manifesting right now is at the top of the mountain and there’s nowhere to run outside so I’m preparing by running on the treadmill, which I will do in that property. So send me good vibes and you’ll be coming to a retreat on that property soon! There are certain things you can do to give yourself energy; whether it’s physical energy, mental energy, or spiritual energy and it’s important to draw from all of these sources when you’re achieving a goal because no one does anything alone, not one person hasn’t had help. Look at this! I’m already 25% done with my run, that’s a quarter of a dollar. For my $10 million dollar property, I’ve already raised $2.5 million and the hardest part is done! If you want to lose 20 pounds, you’ve already lost 5 right in that first part, the hardest part, the first quarter. Sometimes the key is not to stare at the clock. Be present and be forward thinking and feel the energy moving through your body right now! Here I am at 33. 33 is my numerology path, it’s the number of my soul, the vibration that I have, it’s my favorite number. It’s funny how many times throughout a day I will look at a clock, or anything that displays numbers, and it’s at 33. I don’t look at the clock that often. That’s a Divine sign and it’s symbolic of what I’m attracting and who I am. What are your signs? What messages do you get that there is a force greater than you? Having faith in a deep connection with that force is essential to being an A student! Look at this, I’m two-thirds done, but now that I have a D instead of an F, I’m at least on the map. How about that, I’m at 45 minutes, that’s a C, 75%. I ran all this way? I don’t want to stop at average! All I need to do is go 5 more minutes for an...

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Rainbows Rock

Rainbows Rock

Why does it have to be either/or, right or wrong, one or the other when I can love both? I love the fact that I can love my own religion and still respect other religions and atheism. It would be SO silly of me to only like young people or only like old people, or think that my nation is superior to other nations. Anyways, who wants to look at the same color day after day after day after day… Being raised in the gay community taught me that differences make us strong and that having empathy for our own differences creates more loving relationships and we can be friendly with EVERYONE. The rainbow is a reflection of perfect balance. The seven colors of the rainbow correspond to the seven energy centers of the body. Did you know it takes both the sun and the rain to create a rainbow? Diversity! They represent the Divine promise; a taste of heaven’s radiance. I want to see the REAL you shine! I want to know what makes you DIFFERENT and I want you to LOVE what makes you different!     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Godwrestler

Godwrestler

God’s will is stronger than our will. Fear, darkness, and loneliness exist to test your faith. When you wrestle with God, you're being prepared; your capacity is being increased. You cannot have faith until your faith has been tested. Anyone who’s made a difference in the world did so by having their faith tested. Life is one big letting go after another, without the good-byes wrapped up in pretty bows. A Godwrestler is one who has the courage to have faith against all odds, when nothing goes your way and you have no evidence that it ever will! You're not meant to be left with your life battles. The Divine gifts lie in what you learn from them. It is through your work with what pains you that you transform and gain the gifts of surrender, freedom, endurance, faith and courage. Real growth experiences always involve struggle and pain. It is through your acceptance of a greater intelligence that you receive blessings through that pain! The fear of a Greater Force keeps you alert! When I'm lost and lose faith, God gives me a sign that this ride isn't over. Our lives are never meant to be easy. Especially when we wrestle with the Higher Force. The striving isn’t easy, but blessing always follows struggle. The Higher Force is good, and fight it though you may, the goodness will always reveal itself in the end. Don't ever stop wrestling with the Force through your pain and hopelessness and you will become a person of greatness!     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Birthday Queen

Birthday Queen

Stability. Predictability. Patience. 40 symbolizes the testing period. 40 is the amount of time something takes to complete God’s plan. A woman is pregnant for 40 weeks. 40 is when dreams & preparation turn into physical reality. It is the PERFECTION, the achievement of a cycle, the death and spiritual rebirth. 40 is EARNED! Faith that isn’t tested can’t be trusted. If you’ve fully lived, you’re no longer a scared little mousy at 40! This is for people like you and me, who care. I’ve stared depression in the face many times. I’ve learned that if I believe in me, others do too. You create your life. Give it your all! Now it’s time for the world to work for me. Now it’s time for me to breath in my riches just as effortlessly as the inhale of the breath. The waiting, the preparation, the test comes to completion, this week, as I turn 40. After 40 days and 40 nights, the 10 commandments were received. Buddha & Muhammad, who both became profits at age 40, plus Jesus, Moses all fasted for 40 days and 40 nights while they were channeling and honing. Spiritual or not, religious or not, fact or fiction doesn’t matter; there is a meaning to the number 40! I’m not here to create another religion. I’m here to teach the religions to be friendly with one another. The best is yet to come.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with ANYONE.*...

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You Are Not Your Troubles

You Are Not Your Troubles

Your challenges are not you. Your biggest difficulties are not you. Your disappointments are not you. Your patterns aren’t you. Your addictions are not you. Your relationship history isn't you. Your fears are not you. Your insecurities are not you. Your disease is not you. Your troubles are natural responses to the trauma and emotional neglect you’ve suffered. YOU are NOT damaged! YOU are NOT dysfunctional! You simply have a stored bodily memory that needs to be released. Just like cancer invades a body and can be healed, so, too, can your relationship pattern be cleared from your body. It's a block, a clog, and it's not a part of you any more than a clump of hair clogging a drain is a part of that drain. It just needs to be healed. Guilt and shame produce endorphins in the body causing it to stay in the loop of toxic relationships. Trauma and neglect cause the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system to be simultaneously activated, meaning it causes you to be both anxious and depressed at the same time. When you constantly question yourself and try to work harder & harder in your relationships, it’s a symptom of the fight or flight response loop being activated. Don't lose hope! As sensations come up in your body that make you want to leave it, practice accepting them. You must slow way down when doing this core work. The same way that a baby needs it's caretaker to slow down and be present and nurturing to that baby. Now, imagine yourself in a protective membrane - safe, adored, secure.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Mac Daddy of Therapy

Mac Daddy of Therapy

Girl meets boy.   They fall madly in love.   Best thing they have ever experienced, he charms the pants right off of her!   Then, an explosion happens, tears are shed, hearts are broken, suicide is contemplated, and it repeats itself again with the next person.   Rule #1: Instant intimacy is a RED FLAG! It’s a sign of unhealed wounds and disruptive bonding patterns. Whether it’s in friendship, in business, and especially in love, don’t move too fast too soon! Healthy people take their time to get to know someone.   Rule #2: Beware of ultra-charming people – they are often wolves in sheep’s clothes. Not only am I a psychotherapist myself, but I have had 20 years of psychotherapy.   Which leads me to Rule #3: there is one type of therapy that will heal your love life: EMDR is the mac daddy of all therapies! It’s used to teat prisoners of war, veterans, neglected children – the most severe cases. EDMR for true emotional transformation.   Trauma and emotional neglect that occurs in the formative years create a felt sense of fear and isolation in the body.   The neglected and traumatized child learns to abandon themselves to get their safety needs met, which later shows up as addictions and bad relationships.   Emotional neglect makes an even greater imprint on someone than trauma. Neurologists found that the brain is plastic, meaning it can heal and develop new pathways.   There are 2 types of long-term memory: Explicit and Implicit.   Explicit memory remembers facts and events, like when you study for a test. This type of memory is subject to erosion; you don’t remember these facts forever.   Implicit memory stores events that are emotional in nature; they have an emotional content to them. Especially related to survival, emotional survival or otherwise.   Memories with strong emotional content drive your current relationship patterns unless they are reprogrammed.   GOOD NEWS! Once your trauma & neglect are cleared from your bodily memory, you will no longer attract trauma drama into your life!   Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at heatherhans.avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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A Spade’s A Spade

A Spade’s A Spade

  We’re all a little nuts, but there are varying degrees on the spectrum and some people are just too far gone for you to waste your time. We can make excuses for people’s bad behavior in an attempt to bond with them, and I’m not one to label, but sometimes you just gotta call a spade a spade and move on…let me give you the skinny.   When you find yourself saying, “She’s always there for me. All she wants to do is make me happy.” –She’s CODEPENDENT.   “He’s hot & cold but when he’s hot, he’s oh so loving!” –He’s a NARCISSIST.   “She’s intensely passionate all the time with every emotion.” –She’s BORDERLINE.   “I know he has a good heart in him, even though he has tremendous anger issues.” –He’s AN EX-MARINE WITH PTSD.   “She’s always living in fantasy land. Maybe it’s cause she’s a Pisces.” –No, she’s SCHIZOID.   “I must have really offended him. He acted like he didn’t even care whether I was dead or alive.” -He’s a SOCIOPATH.   “She’s extremely organized. She even folds her dirty laundry.” –She has OCD.   “He drinks often, but not more than the average American.” -He’s an ALCOHOLIC.   Let’s be straight here…these people have to be willing to change. People with personality disorders are not willing, and if they are, it’s going to take them a lifetime of work. Do you want to wait around for that?   It doesn’t make you a good & loving person to stay in relationships with these people. It makes you a wounded heart who doesn’t believe that true love is available to you.   I encourage you to guard your precious heart and hold out for true love!     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at heatherhans.avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Our Most Important Work

Our Most Important Work

Do you believe that real love is available to you? Or do you believe you will be alone forever?   Tending to our hearts is the MOST important and tender work we will ever do.   The attachments of our formative years set the stage for our future relationships. When our caregivers were not sensitively attuned to us, our love identities became diminished.   Put your hand over your heart and hold it tenderly.   Imagine what it would feel like as a child and as an adult if you knew that your needs in love were going to be met; that those around you would be sensitive and attuned to meeting your needs. How would you act differently if you knew you would always be loved with abundance?   How would you think, feel, walk, talk, eat, stand, sit, listen, sleep…if you knew that true love is available to you?   Are you willing to do the most tender, core work of this lifetime so you can have true love?   Being loved by someone who empathetically attunes to our emotions is our birthright. Until we heal and do the work to change our story about relationships, we continue to be pained by them.   When we believe that our needs in love will not be met, we are targets for narcissists, further creating a broken love identity. Trust yourself when someone's behavior feels unloving. You really CAN be loved without settling.   When we become programmed to not being met and matched in love, it's time to get help, not time to settle or give up. The more we believe that love is not available to us, the more loveless people we attract.   By healing our hurt hearts, we uplift our inner and outer worlds.   This is the MOST important work we can ever do - the work of the heart.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at heatherhans.avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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