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Relationship Projections

Relationship Projections

It’s been said that people never love other people. They love themselves through other people. Likewise, people don’t hate other people. They hate themselves through other folks. Everyone projects their light and darkness onto others. Often when we appreciate qualities in others, it’s because we recognize those same qualities, or the potential of them, in ourselves. When we’re too conflicted by our own darkness, we find it in others. When someone triggers you, look within and figure out what to do about it. Nothing keeps you stuck more than blame. You can always gauge where you are at any point in time by the people in your life and the feelings they inspire in you. This world is full of light and dark, you are full of light and dark, but there’s one bottom line and one umbrella over us all.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Sex, Love & Bonding

Sex, Love & Bonding

What creates good relationships that leads to good sex? Emotional attunement between partners. When your loved one is consistently responsive to you, it creates safety and trust. When they’re not responsive, it creates anxiety and it limits your growth as a couple and as an individual. Bonding is not about speed or charm. The two main things to look for in a potential mate are empathy and sincerity. Empathic people don’t want to rush you or charm you. These are both self-serving tactics, which is the opposite of empathy. They want your well being above all. The same way an attuned mother wants her child’s well being, first and foremost. Bonding is built over time and sex gets better as you become more attuned to each other. Some clues to look for are affection, ability to soothe you, concern for your feelings, appreciation of you exactly as you are, loyalty, confidence, and a sense of humor. If you don’t see these qualities right away, don’t you worry, another train is coming!     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Label of Love

Label of Love

Dear Mr. Risk, Here’s how deep I’m willing to go. I may suffer from “anxiety” and “depression,” but I’m still a “Queen.” Labels are funny things. They can be good or bad depending on how they’re used. I like the organic label on my food. I dislike labels that increase a person’s suffering. I had to study the diagnostic manual of mental disorders to become a therapist. It’s important to know how to diagnose & treat someone, yet it’s been shown that we, kids especially, see ourselves the way that others see us. Not only that, studies show that when a person is labeled they’re seen in an exaggerated form of that label. Therefore, we must see each other through the eyes of love. Do the labels you use uplift you? You cannot fit me into one box! My God given fire will burn it up! I was an artist before I was a healer. Creatives are sensitive & intuitive. Many creatives get slapped with labels that become part of a wounded identity. The LGBT community has statistically higher levels of education & income, yet we also have higher levels of substance abuse & suicide. Is it the label and the effects of condescending pigeonholing on the psyche? Research says yes. I’ve had depression that runs way deeper than I’m willing to go, but each time it passes I know even stronger that I am here as a channel of love until my dying day. The point is, creativity can cause anxiety. Sensitivity can lead to depression. Not fitting into a mainstream box can cause insecurity and life on Earth can be downright trying! Yet life, creativity, and sensitivity are spiritual gifts & incredible assets. Even more to the point, we are love in spite of, because of, and regardless of the fact that we get anxious & depressed. Peace.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Only the Ignorant Blame

Only the Ignorant Blame

If you want to be showered with love & good fortune, you have to take full responsibility and you can’t blame. Okay, maybe for one minute when you’re really hurt & mad, but then you have to see it as a gift here to teach you something. If you blame an unloving world or hostile people, or God or lack thereof, or your childhood circumstances, you get temporary relief, but then you’re left in a state of lovelessness and poverty. In the 1980’s at a Hawaii state hospital, there was a ward for the mentally ill criminals who had committed murder, rape, kidnapping, extreme violence. A psychologist came on board and completely cured the ward without ever seeing any of them. He did it by studying their charts and looking within himself to see how he created that person’s illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved. Whatever or whoever is a problem in your life will show up, either in yourself or in the people in your life, until you heal it. This universe, just like the body, is an infinitely intelligent system.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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One Thing You Must Learn

One Thing You Must Learn

Some of our relationships last a lifetime, like the relationships we have with ourselves, with the Greater Force, with our parents & children. Even once there’s a physical or emotional death of a very close loved one, a relationship continues, just in a different form. In order to thrive in life & in society, we must learn how to relate to other people! Your participation with others is just as important & impactful as what you do for yourself. We also have a relationship with other living beings, like plants, animals, the Earth and these relationships are as alive & responsive as our relationships with other people. You even have a relationship to your work, to your studies, your hobbies, your body, your space & belongings. When it boils down to it, everything in this life is about relationships. So, if there’s one thing to learn, it’s how to have fruitful relationships.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Humility is the Beginning of Wisdom

Humility is the Beginning of Wisdom

The beginning of wisdom is humility. What does it mean to be humble? According to Urban Dictionary, “it’s an admirable quality that not many people possess.” It means that a person may have accomplished a lot, know a lot or be a lot but doesn’t feel the need to brag about it. It means you are unpretentious and show respect to everyone, regardless of their stature. Humility isn’t about thinking little of yourself, I wrote a book on self-love after all! It’s about remembering that your life is a gift & a privilege. It’s about showing gratitude & treating others with respect. It takes wisdom & inner strength to be humble. Now that you know what humility is, let’s look at the rewards for being humble, which are great! Humility attracts people to you, whereas arrogance repels them. It also enhances your positive character traits. Humility often leads to unexpected and prosperous connections or a discovery that exalts you. You never know who you’re talking to or where things lead down the road. Humility shows that you’re aware that you’re a human being with limitations. Without this awareness, you are ignorant and ignorance causes a whole gamut of problems. Humble people make better leaders in the workforce. While high achievers know how to achieve any goal they set for themselves, the super successful achieve the goals set for them by a greater intelligence. Rather than using whatever they can to get to the top, they allow themselves to be used by the one at the top when operating from this place of service and humility. There are even health benefits to being humble. Science shows that altruism contributes to happiness & wellbeing. Research has also found that people who are the happiest are the ones that don’t think so much about trying to be happy. This works well for humble people because humble people get caught up in projects & other things that they consider bigger than themselves. Now that you know that humility leads to success and happiness, here are ways to become more humble: Be willing to do small things no matter how great you think you are. Realize that it’s an honor to be of service. For example, as a parent, I am a humble servant to my son and I’m reaping rewards watching him thrive. The greatest of the greats in all arenas; sports, art, science, politics and teaching rarely credit their achievements to themselves. They credit them to a higher power & the people who have supported them along the way. Sure they work hard, but they know that they are ultimately just a part of the whole. Likewise, strong relationships are those that play service to the other at the center. As the genius himself, Albert Einstein said, “a true genius admits that he or she knows nothing.” Be humble, show respect, & you’ll move up the ladder in business, love, & life.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your...

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Your Power & Riches Are Within You

Your Power & Riches Are Within You

Scientists and philosophers say that 1% of reality is what you experience with your 5 senses, while 99% is invisible. There’s an ancient Chinese story of an emperor and his servant. The emperor had unlimited wealth & power, but he was unhappy. His servant had very little power and riches, yet every time the emperor looked at the servant he was smiling. Finally, the emperor asked the servant, “why are you so happy?” The servant replied, “why aren’t you happy?” “I don’t know,” the emperor said, “I have everything I ever wanted but it doesn’t satisfy me. Tell me, why are you so happy? You have nothing.” The servant said, “because when I go home every night I get to dream about being the emperor and that makes me happy.” Most of life is invisible. Thoughts, feelings, ideas, connections. Einstein was mocked throughout his life for being so playful and imaginative. His predictions are still coming true to this day. Your riches and your power are within you!     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Rules To Remember

Rules To Remember

These are rules to remember that I wrote when I was 12 years old. Rule number 1: never eat spaghetti when you go out on a date. Rule number 2: when you are walking on the sidewalk with your boyfriend, let him walk on the outside. Rule number 3: when you’re reading a book to your boyfriend, be sure you know how to pronounce all the words. Rule number 4: don’t wear jewelry that your boyfriend hasn’t given you. And last but not least, rule number 5: If you have lots of boyfriends, be sure not to get their names mixed up. This list illustrates a very important key to success. Rules are meant to be followed AND broken. There’s a delicate balance between following the rules and breaking them. If you obey all the rules all the time, you’re merely a follower who can fall off the edge of a cliff simply because the sheep in front of you did it. If you’re constantly breaking the rules, you’re a threat to society and have some maturing to do. Good leaders are good followers and good followers are good leaders. Some of history’s worst leaders never learned to follow and they became arrogant tyrants. Multiple published studies show that success comes from being a good follower and a good leader. Good followers are trustworthy, humble, and willing to learn. Good leaders are trustworthy, humble, and willing to learn. A key to success is to be trustworthy. How do you demonstrate trustworthiness? By always striving to be your best and being willing to speak up when needed. When sociologists researched a plane crash years ago they discovered that the co-pilot could’ve prevented the crash if he had spoken up, but he didn’t speak up because his culture required him to never question those in charge. Breaking the rules does not make you untrustworthy; sometimes you must. In order to make progress, you must find the delicate balance between following the rules and breaking them. Like everything in life, both sides are needed for wholeness. You can’t have something without nothing, masculine without feminine, light without dark, yin without yang. For the utmost success and good graces, you yourself must be both a good leader and a good follower.     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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Advice For People Who Think Too Much

Advice For People Who Think Too Much

Tip 1 for people who think too much: Stop saying you think too much! My parents met in a 1970’s meditation ashram and I have practiced and been around meditation my whole life. I reduced my heart rate by the maximum level shown by a device that measures blood pressure & brain activity when meditating. Here’s something you may not know about meditation. You’ll have more success if you don’t criticize your brain for thinking so much. Thinking is it’s job! Have compassion for yourself and your brain that works so hard to keep up in this world! Criticism simply demotivated people. Love heals and relaxation cures so they should be your focus! Focusing on what you want, in other words peace & happiness, is what gets you there. Don’t program into your GPS a place you don’t want to go or you’ll end up at that destination. Relax, have self-compassion, and place your focus on the peace you seek rather than on the racing mind you don’t seek!     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to your inbox with email updates. *Your address will NEVER be shared with...

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The Hero’s Journey

The Hero’s Journey

Your pain is exactly what you need to become a hero. You see, without conflict and a burning desire for something better, there can be no transformation. And without transformation, there can be no hero. A hero is a hero because they have triumphed! You have the inner resources to transform and make your dreams come true and that happens when you are up against the edge. What you seek is within your reach. What you are looking for, dear one, is inside of you. Who are you? And where do you come from? What do you desperately want? Who or what is your enemy? and how are they preventing you from having what you want? In many cases it’s not other people who are your enemies, it’s you. Can you have compassion and empathy for yourself? Self-love is the first step towards transformation. You’re confronted by unbearable pain and torment because your potential to transform is right. Be ready for the fight because now’s the time. You see, you can’t be a hero without conflict. Conflict is necessary. By facing your conflict head on, change happens. It’s through deep suffering that new realization and strength emerge. You can’t figure it out in your brain. You must trust the unknown! Have courage to leave the world you’ve known and fully face your emotions. There are grave consequences of having no conflict in your life. Without conflict, there’s no story and no hero, no point of being here! Transformation is an inside out job. A lot of people think that once things change in their life then they’ll be happy; then they’ll be free. But in order for things in your life to change you must first be happy and free! Want success so you feel worthy and adored? Feel worthy and adored and then you’ll be successful! Want to meet someone who loves you unconditionally? Love yourself unconditionally and then you will! You have to see, hear, smell, taste & touch what you want before it exists! You have to want it so badly that you are willing to create the essence of it within yourself. Reclaiming your true self is what your story is all about. The psychological wounding that happens from the tormenters of your life is superficial compared to what lies within you! It’s the positive reframing of disturbing circumstances that creates transformation. Reframing means that you see the situation differently. That is your power! Once you see it differently, your reward appears. What leads you from misery to your highest realization is what makes you a hero. Spiritual growth is at the heart of every story. Psycho-analysts like Carl Young & Sigmund Freud looked at fairy tales as symbols of the psyche and the transformation that occurs when you face your demons. Life is a journey that constantly moves between darkness and light. You were born equipped with heroic powers to transform your suffering to victory!     Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com If you enjoyed this blog, get Heather's love direct to...

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