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Girl meets boy.

 

They fall madly in love.

 

Best thing they have ever experienced, he charms the pants right off of her!

 

Then, an explosion happens, tears are shed, hearts are broken, suicide is contemplated, and it repeats itself again with the next person.

 

Rule #1: Instant intimacy is a RED FLAG!

It’s a sign of unhealed wounds and disruptive bonding patterns. Whether it’s in friendship, in business, and especially in love, don’t move too fast too soon! Healthy people take their time to get to know someone.

 

Rule #2: Beware of ultra-charming people – they are often wolves in sheep’s clothes.

Not only am I a psychotherapist myself, but I have had 20 years of psychotherapy.

 

Which leads me to Rule #3: there is one type of therapy that will heal your love life:

EMDR is the mac daddy of all therapies! It’s used to teat prisoners of war, veterans, neglected children – the most severe cases. EDMR for true emotional transformation.

 

Trauma and emotional neglect that occurs in the formative years create a felt sense of fear and isolation in the body.

 

The neglected and traumatized child learns to abandon themselves to get their safety needs met, which later shows up as addictions and bad relationships.

 

Emotional neglect makes an even greater imprint on someone than trauma. Neurologists found that the brain is plastic, meaning it can heal and develop new pathways.

 

There are 2 types of long-term memory: Explicit and Implicit.

 

Explicit memory remembers facts and events, like when you study for a test. This type of memory is subject to erosion; you don’t remember these facts forever.

 

Implicit memory stores events that are emotional in nature; they have an emotional content to them. Especially related to survival, emotional survival or otherwise.

 

Memories with strong emotional content drive your current relationship patterns unless they are reprogrammed.

 

GOOD NEWS! Once your trauma & neglect are cleared from your bodily memory, you will no longer attract trauma drama into your life!

 

Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with ConfidenceIt is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.  Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at heatherhans.avanoo.com