Let’s break down the words “I want.” If you look up want in the dictionary you will see that it means deficient. It means that you are lacking.
Wanting is different from desiring something. When you focus on something you want you are simultaneously focusing on what you don’t have. You are focusing on your own perceived deficiency, your own un-wholeness. When you have a desire, a genuine desire, you desire something that excites you. You feel whole already and are excited for the next level. You’re excited to bring something into your life. You’re excited to manifest. You’re excited for the process of discovery, of new self-discovery. When you want you are saying, “I don’t have that. And I need it.”
Have you ever noticed the human condition called dissatisfaction? Where people generally just feel dissatisfied, and it doesn’t matter what they achieve or what they do, there’s this level of dissatisfaction that permeates. The Buddha said that our suffering ends when we no longer desire, but I think it’s when we no longer want. I believe desires are healthy, and I believe desires and fulfilling desires is why we are here. When we are no longer creators, in this world, there is no reason to be here. To want something means you don’t have something, it’s missing. So when the Buddha says that the end of suffering is the end of desire, I believe the end of suffering is the end of wanting. The end of feeling like you’re flawed. The end of feeling like you are somehow below others. The end of feeling somehow you have to grasp for things in life, because they’re not all here for you. They might be here for everybody else but not you, or maybe that they’re limited in quantity so we need to grab our share.
That’s not the nature of life. It’s not the nature of creation. The nature of creation is abundant. Life keeps flowing on and on and on long after our bodies are here. It keeps going. That’s one of the certainties of life. Not just that our lives end, but that life keeps continuing. And when we desire something, we are saying, “I want new life.” I am excited for new life. I am excited to create something new. I’m a part of evolution. That is the opposite energy of “I don’t have, and I need and want.”
Take a look at your language and see if it feels differently to you to talk about what you want verses getting excited to bring a new desire into fruition.
Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.